Monday, February 22, 2016

Father Time

It's been a long, long 2 fact 2 years , 13 days and 6 hours since I posted......I have visited Cosmo's blog so many time's, looked through our initial posts and read the comments and watched hundreds of times the beautiful memorial videos and cried a river or 5. I read/heard somewhere that if a human dies it takes roughly 2 years to get over their can a specific amount of time be attached to someone be it on 2 legs or 4 legs that brought so much joy and happiness and ''magic'' to your life ? that loved you unconditionally and never doubted you, that knew it was the two of you at times against the world......I always knew my beloved Cossie, my bubba, my Starshine would go before me as sadly this is a dog's only fault, they live such fewer years than us, but when he did go so quickly with no real notice or hint I felt so bitter and angry as though many years had been stolen from me. I had always wished, hoped and dreamed we would move together through time for at least another 5-6 years, in England the oldest Yorkie at the time was 22, I would say to Cossie, '' are gonna beat that, you will get to 25 ok ?'', and he would look at me with his beautiful amber rimmed eyes and so ''Otay's mummy'', and boy did he try. What has happened over time is my grief has slowly, very slowly turned into gratitude....for the special times we had, treasured moments, beautiful trips and ohhhhh so many hugs and cuddles where no words or woofs were needed. Cossie had this look....captured in so many pictures which poured out his love for me, and as I spoke to him he would make these little noises of agreement, enjoyment and pure revelment at being so very loved....I take a small amount of comfort (on his part too)that I didn't see him grow frail, old and gray, struggling to walk ( barring his last few days on earth with me ), I was and am so very grateful to have had those last few days to not only say goodbye but to thank that darling boy for being a part of my life, my family.....of travelling a large part of the world with me, loving me and protecting me as though he was a giant bear at times. Cos was one in a million and I know he is the brightest star shining down, forever looking over me, but happy we adopted his little sister Milly who is so very different but so very special who just wants to love and be loved by all those she meets, people say ''boy she landed on her paws'' but it was us who landed on our feet in finding/rescueing Milly, she is a pure joy to be around and she knows I have needed time, our relationship grows closer day by day as she knows she is loved and will forever be protected and taken care of.....such a daddy's girl but that suits us all so beautifully as I slowly wade through the treacle of grief but we laugh so much together and Milly ensures she kisses us at least 500 times a day as her way of saying ''Thank you, I love you'' !!! I would still give my all to have one more moment with my little Bubba, I sometimes see him in my dreams but I wish for it too much and it's as though he knows I am not yet ready but I speak to him every day and realise that even having had a few minutes with such a special little boy was a miracle in itself for which I will be forever grateful. Your mummy, Leigh xxxxxx #ILoveYouToTheMoon&Back

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